I mentioned in an earlier post that I wanted to become the best professor I can be. Unfortunately, I feel like I am failing pretty miserably at it. After each class, I am left with the feeling that I could have done things better. Some days are more successful than others, but I have yet to have a day where I feel great about the lessons I taught.
This feeling of inadequacy is pervasive. For example, I don't write because I don't feel like anything I write is good enough to share. Apart from the articles I wrote for my college newspaper, this blog is the only thing I've written and shared with others on a large scale. It probably doesn't seem like it, but I actually put a lot of thought into what I have written thus far.
I realize that feeling this way has its benefits. It motivates me to work harder. It encourages me to challenge the status quo and avoid the docile complacency ever so present in today's society. It also implies that I have enough confidence in my own abilities to believe that I can do better than I already am.
However, this feeling can be very bad for me as well. It has held me back on a number of occasions. I didn't take a creative writing class in college because I was afraid, and am still afraid, that I would be terrible at it. The same could be said of art. Because I didn't measure up to my own standards of quality, I just gave up. This has happened on more occasions than I care to admit.
I realize that good things can come from failure, and I also realize that I have to be willing to be bad at something in order to become good at it. This doesn't seem to help, though. I still find myself paralyzed by my fear of failure. Do any of you ever feel this way? If so, how do you deal with it?
Before I go, I just want to thank everyone who actually reads these posts. It really means a lot to me. You guys are awesome!
Everyone has some kind of fear of failure. There is nothing wrong with wanting to do nothing but the best, but don't let it drive you crazy or upset. I believe that we are our own worst critic, but it can be a good thing because then we want to push ourselves to do better. You are one of the smartest people that I know and I'm sure that your classes are great and that you work with the students. Always thinking that you could do better could be helpful because it makes you want to do more, it makes you want to challenge yourself, and what is the point of accomplishing things without challenging ourselves. :) Just don't push yourself too hard ;)
ReplyDeletethe only way to expand your comfort zone is to operate outside of it. start pushing the limits of what makes you uncomfortable. it gets easier the more you do it. people are naturally afraid of failure and it can be hard to deal with that fear. a few things to consider:
ReplyDelete1. people aren't judging you as harshly as you might think. maybe sometimes you feel super awkward and you're so sure that everyone notices how awkward you're being. they probably don't. they're more worried about themselves and how they appear to others.
2. what's worse? trying something and failing at it or letting fear dictate your life? what's the cost of failure? will the sun explode? if you took a creative writing class and you were the worst creative writer ever, who cares? when you look back on your life you'll regret the things you didn't do.
3. fake it 'till you make it. it means talk and behave like the person you eventually want to be. act more confident than you actually feel. eventually it becomes part of who you are and then you wont be faking it anymore.
4. try the rejection game? might help with your fear of failure
http://rejectiontherapy.com/rules/
"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer."
Feeling inadequate, pushing your boundaries, and questioning your skill is essential to growth. Only when you feel you're perfect at what you're doing do you stagnate. Paint, even though you suck at it. Write a short story even if you know it's hackneyed and bad.
ReplyDeleteFailing at things doesn't change who you are, doesn't alter your worth as a person. All it does is teach you a lesson, far better a lesson than success. This post has encouraged me to send out a few more query letters on these silly books I keep writing :) Hope you're well, and I know you're doing a great job in your teaching.