I mentioned in an earlier post that I wanted to become the best professor I can be. Unfortunately, I feel like I am failing pretty miserably at it. After each class, I am left with the feeling that I could have done things better. Some days are more successful than others, but I have yet to have a day where I feel great about the lessons I taught.
This feeling of inadequacy is pervasive. For example, I don't write because I don't feel like anything I write is good enough to share. Apart from the articles I wrote for my college newspaper, this blog is the only thing I've written and shared with others on a large scale. It probably doesn't seem like it, but I actually put a lot of thought into what I have written thus far.
I realize that feeling this way has its benefits. It motivates me to work harder. It encourages me to challenge the status quo and avoid the docile complacency ever so present in today's society. It also implies that I have enough confidence in my own abilities to believe that I can do better than I already am.
However, this feeling can be very bad for me as well. It has held me back on a number of occasions. I didn't take a creative writing class in college because I was afraid, and am still afraid, that I would be terrible at it. The same could be said of art. Because I didn't measure up to my own standards of quality, I just gave up. This has happened on more occasions than I care to admit.
I realize that good things can come from failure, and I also realize that I have to be willing to be bad at something in order to become good at it. This doesn't seem to help, though. I still find myself paralyzed by my fear of failure. Do any of you ever feel this way? If so, how do you deal with it?
Before I go, I just want to thank everyone who actually reads these posts. It really means a lot to me. You guys are awesome!
